If you want to get a snapshot of the current human condition, I know just the place.  

The Internet Movie Data Base, or IMDB to those in the know, includes all sorts of good stuff about all sorts of cool movies, actors, television shows, directors—the whole enchilada. Nearly a million movie and television titles and 2.3 million people are included in the behemoth Amazon-owned site. 

It’s big, not always accurate, and it’s irresistible to wonks like me who just can’t get enough. 

The good folks at Amazon thought they’d do us a favor when they bought the company back in the late 90s. They gave us, the little people, something to play with. They added “message boards” to every IMDB profile. That’s right—3.3 million chances for you and me to give our opinion on any movie, ask questions, and blather breathlessly about our fave matinee idol with others similarly enraptured.  

Oh what a way to spend a life! 

But something interesting has happened since they added the feature seven years ago. The chit-chat discussion boards are designed for have taken on a whole new life in the wild and woolly world of IMDB.

It has hooked a legion of ersatz “fans” who’ve cleaved to the boards like bike pants on a fat man. And are even less attractive. 

These “fans,” for lack of a better description, have seized the opportunity for a worldwide megaphone and virtually no moderation from IMDB to let us know what they think. No, not movie reviews. No, not breathless blather about their fave matinee idol. Worse…much worse—and it’s usually the poor actor or actress on the receiving end. 

They slither anonymously through the message boards typing typing typing some of the most gawdawful stuff about the actors whose profile they are posting on. In Indian country, because the celebrities in question are much more accessible and shop at Wal-Mart and have lives that include walking the dog and fighting with in-laws, the comments are even more personal, nasty and just plain creepy. 

Examples?  

How about accusing the actor in question of being a wife beater? Speaking of wives, calling his better half a controlling bitch? Or, if the actor is a woman, of being too-fat-too-old-too-dumb-too-slutty? Then there’s the garden variety deadbeat parent, dope-smokin,’ lying weasel claims. Not perverse enough—how about sex with puppies? And, of course, the ugly charge of faking their Indian heritage. All of these, each and every one, has actually been posted on the fan “message boards” of a Native actor and/or actress. Each and every one. 

Yeah, I hear ya. It’s just a few weirdos eating Cheetos in a dark, dank room filled with empty pizza boxes and dog-eared copies of porn rags strewn across the musty floor; or if the “fan” is female, sharing space with her five cats and life-size posters of hunka-hunka Native men.  

But maybe not. Maybe they are standing in line behind me at Dunkin Donuts. Maybe they work in the next cubicle, clean my teeth, and serve on the school board.  

But, whoever they are, I can’t help but wonder. What would possess  a person to turn on their computer; jaunt over to IMDB, and start writing salacious, vicious, outrageous garbage about a person they don’t know, probably never will meet, and whom has never-ever done a damn thing to warrant such attacks? 

Why? Is the power of anonymity so compelling that it invites those with empty souls to suck out the energy of others like Harry Potter’s  Dementors? Is it something even more troubling? A statement about our culture which gleefully delights in the fatal overdose of a drug addled ex-stripper and sells Halloween costumes mocking the tragic death of the Crocodile Hunter? 

I hope not. But I do worry.  

In any case, let’s hope saner and kinder heads prevail. And remember one thing. That actress and actor trashed in this oh-so-public venue has a mom, maybe a couple of kids, and a life with worries, loves, laughs, and heartache. Just like you and me. 

Welcome to the world of IMDB. Everything you’d ever want to know about movies, television shows, actors… 

…and us.