What we need are some kickass action, sci-fi and horror movies. Native kickass action, sci-fi and horror movies, that is. And more comedies. Definitely more comedies.

Granted, 20 years ago there was no Indigenous cinema to speak of. In that respect, things have come a long way. Nevertheless, when you look at Native produced films  and television productions, there is a definite theme—mainly dramas and documentaries; pretty light on the yuks and virtually no skin-tight lycra suits  for our salacious pleasure.

We can speculate all the reasons why this is, one of them being that it comes down to cash.  It costs plenty for all those special effects and android armies and flying heads and spaceships.

Still, wouldn’t you love to see an Indian Van Helsing and Wonder Woman; a Native Bruce Lee, Jim Carrey, Jackie Chan or Vin Diesel? Wait, scratch Diesel, …we don’t need another one of him. How about a wizard?

Some of these genres for an underfunded filmmaker are achievable; others, more difficult. Undoubtedly, the current and developing crop of Native screenwriters and directors and actors have the talent to step up to the challenge and they are out there, believe me, trying and trying to break through.

Why, then, hasn’t anyone been able to do it?

It’s really not all that complicated. Meaning that it goes back to the earlier argument about cents and sensibilities. First, consider the fact that indie films and indie film fans tend to be oh-so serious about their subjects and their “purpose,” which has something to do with changing the world (usually a finger to working-class ethics) and seeking some higher plain of reasoning that we low-brows will never ever get. And least, I will never ever get.  

That, and the fact that indie films are…well…films.  Not movies, not—God-strike-me-dead—flicks. Not something you watch if you’re in the mood for a couple of hours of beefcake and action and locker-room jokes.

Hey. I like beefcake and action and locker-room jokes.

Films are to be appreciated; not fun or yummy. Sort of like an obscenely expensive dinner at a chi-chi restaurant where the waiter (never a waitress cause women ain’t up to it, apparently) with a name like Jacques or Fabio won’t give you a laminated menu with four-color pictures of burgers and omelets and sundaes. You never admit your discomfort in the fact that nibbling on curried rabbit loin gives you visions of Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny.

Anyway…I digress. The point is, films  are funded by film  people. And until you get the backing of film  people, you will never, ever climb the ladder to enter the coveted cutthroat world of the film business.  That’s where the bucks come in, buckaroo.  

Oh, it’s not because they don’t like Indians, because they most certainly do. Film  people love Native folks, despite the fact they wouldn’t be caught dead within a hundred miles of Winnipeg or Rosebud or Farmington and their favorite Indian is Leonard Peltier because he's the only live Indian they have ever heard of other than Russell Means and they’re afraid  of him.

So, you see, there’s a reason why we don’t see Indian James Bonds and Spider-mans and Terminators and Scary Movies and Star Wars, or even Borats.  But we optimists believe it won’t be long. Somebody out there in the film business  will stop nibbling their curried rabbit loin long enough to recognize the untapped potential in Indian Country and when that happens, we low-brows will finally get what we’ve been waiting for.

Beefcake and action and locker-room jokes. Native style.